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Archive for September, 2004|Monthly archive page

I don’t know where Im headed

In Life on September 27, 2004 at 4:00 am
Date: September 26, 2004 9:00:00 PM PDT
Subject: I don’t know where Im headed

Why is it… That the neighbors havent come over and introduced them self? Why havent I gone over and introduced myself to the neighbors? Paradox “The one man band…” Whats easier…??? To tear down the man’s equipment Or tear down the man? I’ve been thinking about such things… and wondering whats wrong with myself and others. I’ve come to the conclusion, that none of us are what we seem. Were all dirty little self seeking thieives… Willing to correct anyone at the right moment. Its enough to make me sick at my stomach… The only thing that works, is the Grace of the blood of Jesus Christ… seems to be the only thing that makes sense… Good Grief… Im listening on Sony Professional headphone, what a glorious sound… And the blasted equalibirium keeps playing…. argh… Thats it… Im getting pro-tools for my PC… I cant break myself down to start mixing again on analog… Were a digital world… Analog tape is still a great sound… our only options for getting it to digital is using the ungodly bit rates of 96k and god forbit 128k… That takes major space people… I really wish we had another sound tech on the forum… to retort me Im in a very midrange mood… I feel inspired… I feel depressed… I feel ambitious… then I dont… There needs to be alot of work done on WIJN There needs to be alot of work done at the studio… But my goodness Im over whelmed… The studio is a massive project… Its a dream come true, but its just going to be so difficult to follow that dream. I guess mentally I just gotta grow up and step up to the challenge… Planet Nebthos loomes ahead, and my hands shake at the thought of it… It will be quite the experience… Theres some nights I feel I could write the entire album in one night… And then some nights, I feel like never playing again… I have the studio at my fingertip and I studder… Whats WRONG WITH ME? Its like Im waiting on something and Im not… But I think I am waiting on someone… Ozma is a cool band… Not just a weezer knock off… Sometimes I feel like starting a rock band Sometimes I just dont… I feel some more art coming on God is so active in my life, but I feel completely alone… Its a strange and ackward feeling, it feels right then it doesnt… I’m afraid Im not alined with God… I need to be broken

This is from http://www.explodingdog.com/ its entitled… “I dont know where Im heading”

Am I being too open for you??? GOOD Also… We have a kitten now… Her name is Vasili



In Life on September 19, 2004 at 4:00 am
Date: September 18, 2004 9:00:00 PM PDT
Subject: Pinkerton

2:30am Pinkerton – Weezer – Entire Album providence… I think I’ve been writing this blog for months in my head. I just cant believe all that has happened. So much seems like distance dreams that didnt happen. The providence of God is evident, but this road has not always been easy. Well that was rather vague and I guess I should color in the details… I cant believe Im back in the Shire, the quest for rest of my life has brought me no further than the backsteps of my hometown… and in even more retrospective, I cant even believe that the shire is my hometown begin with. Things shouldnt have happened like they should. I’ve had so much drama in my short lifetime and in the same breathe, I’ve already had so much resolution in my short lifetime. I feel so fortunate and guilty at the same time. As much that has been given, that much has been taken and returned. In alot of ways I feel alot like Job… Especially after everything was taken and then returned… I just dont know what to do with myself. I shouldnt be here, every day in the Shire is one more day I do not deserve, much less a day of life in general. I’ve fought and lost with God on many occasions and every fight is bloody, more bloodshed than on q2dm1 =] And I lose everytime and I am just broken, and everything is returned and healed in the most proper of times. And frankly it scares me to death knowing that God is active in my life. Such a fear that you fear for your life, and also a fear of not having that connection and doing everything in your power to hold onto that connection… even if it means your life in more ways than one. My dreams have been answered so many different colors and frequencys that I could not see or hear on my own. Yet there is fear to pursue these dreams, not of the fear of failure but of the fear of knowing that you all but saw the face of God pass before you, and it more terrifying than anything known to man. And all I can do is worship Him in the ways he has provided. It is all I can do… And in my heart I hold these secrets and I cry for those that do not know the way. That are locked within their pain, and devise their plans for escape, but only scrape their knees… …on a already blood covered wall. I am completely unworthy… -SAINT

http://home.flash.net/~sjlaster/index.htm ENJOY

Insult to Injury

In Life on September 2, 2004 at 4:00 am
Date: September 1, 2004 9:00:00 PM PDT
Subject: Insult to Injury

-SONG- Craigs Brother – Insult to Injury

Ok… So I still have the sores in my mouth , and Im going to blog until this benadryl kicks in. Theres been alot of reflection these past few days… Alot of talking with God, most of it argueing… But he always seems to get the best of me… stupid God Mode… Anyways… I feel I have so much to talk about and no way to express it… My entire life I’ve been forced to grow up, its definately been the theme of my life. I feel so old, even at 23… I’ve already seen so much pain and sufferring, not only in my life but my family and friends… I loathe drama… And I’m guility of doing it myself, but I guess it has its healing powers as much cursing =] But all works together in God’s Hands… The terrible made beautiful… And I am so guilty of doubting too many times… BTW you like this style… of three dots? A friend of mine who used to know John used it all the time… Anyways… I just feel like a big mess of something… I dunno… but its interesting… Im focused… I have been getting alot done this week, well… more than usual… The Studio is close to being opened, I need to be there more to make it happen… but my laziness gets the best of me… Im moving into a house with Arab Friday, and it really hasnt hit me yet… Im moving out again… God… just amazing… it was about this time last year I was moving out, to “do the band thing” wow… Man I gotta get an album out…. hahahahhahaha you floyd kids will get that…. speaking of floyd… Donut I need my DSOTM AND WYWH back… I think that is my problem, I havent been playing music like I should… I need to get back into it… I have a desire to play with the medallions off and on… but I usually end up talking myself out of it… Because I know how the lifestyle is, and I dont know if I want to be apart of that… -SONG – Nat King Cole – Mona Lisa Man I gotta get an Album out… Oh BTW which ones Pink =] Man, thats really how it is… Im not kidding Well thats it Im going to random ramble prepare yeself option, top, makes the last the least, and the more of heart the winner of me, look to the left, love the land, open your heart, What if I told you, I hate the cold, never before, hearts make one, life bleeds on itself, make way, make day, never forget the words that were said, not on my mind, and laughes and games, grand buffett makes me smile, my cat is gone, but were going to find my cat, I got a stationwagon, no wait I dont… lets go find the cat, 1 year and a half of madness, a world opened before me, unknown into the dark, so much pain, fear and hope, make it real, small house, full of murder, lies and decit, we rent, they die, I cant believe I broke your heart, this song sucks, I hate the cold, U made me go, I need to get an album out, Why wont you listen when I told, I hate the cold, Make the world fair, make it all unreal, make me see you everyday, guitars on the walls, new ones in the shop, outrageous prices, friend and foe, brother bands in the school, I wish I was cool… a life long gone, I do not desire I embrace my new, I hold on to what I dont see, make it long, make it short, edit it all into one 45 second clip…